My Brain is Stuffed with Deadness and Bird Chirping

Um...yeah. I am trying to adjust my sleep schedule. Again. Because I manage to stay up until about 4 or 5 or so, and then I think I'm taking a nap, when really, it's more than a nap so that everything is messed up but less than a nap so that I feel like my head's been used as a punching bag (not advisable, never offer your head as a punching bag, even for money.) So now I'm tired. I tried making a music video, but I really don't have enough relevant video clips. It's okay though. I am happy with some of the parts I did, and it occupied me and now it's 5:30. Maybe another hour and a half or so and I can peek out of my room.

I can hear birds chirping. It's like those very interesting mornings at your house when the birds outside your window so cheerfully proclaimed the day. It seems that my birds are even more ethusiastic. I really do not know what I'm writing right now. I followed your sister's idea and tried to make some goals: make a music video and write a story. I started on the story but then it got late and I started working on the music video and by now my brain would produce an interesting story. Not in a good way, either.

Something just occured to me. If I want to appear as sleeping, I will have to turn off the light and be quiet for about an hour. Maybe I'll write a story then. I'm afraid of falling asleep. Hm. I will go get ready now. You're probably sleeping right now, aren't you?

I Am Bored

You'd think, or at least I'd think, that if I lacked things to do over the summer, I'd make sure there was less of it. I would catch up on sleep, or something. On the contrary, I have been sleeping much less. I have been acting on various levels of productivity since my last post (I even went shopping with my mom and bought a pair of shoes that weren't sneakers.) (Yes, that counts as being productive.) and I've also been meaning to adjust my sleeping schedule to that of an early riser, which, by the way, I have been attempting to do for the past three years.

Obvious note: if you want to wake up early, naturally, the best thing to do is to go to sleep early. You can't do that if you lack the ability to fall asleep. (This year, I have acquired the unfortunate habit of taking a long time to fall asleep in my own bed. I can fall asleep on any couch in the house, the floor, sitting upright against the wall, wedged in a corner, on a car, and on an airplane. I have _never_ fallen asleep on an airplane before this year. This disconcerting state reminds me of Izy Spellman in that book that I confiscated from you, when she moved and she couldn't fall asleep anywhere but that grimy bus) So I'm doing what a doctor suggested last summer - stay up really late and then be so tired that I'll fall asleep early the next night. Only, if I stay up later than usual, I'll only either fall asleep and wake up late and refreshed (so much the worse for my circadian cycle) or I'll wake up early and nap the rest of the day. So I'm just not going to sleep at all. It's 4:41 am. It makes sense in my head.

So to keep awake I need things to occupy my mind. I finished rereading a book. I could've gone on to the sequel, but I decided to do something productive. I'm thinking of writing something for you, and I just spent about 2 hours brainstorming on it. My writing covers at least five pages.

But I'm bored - well, not really bored - of that. More like too lazy to be productive. So I looked up websites for the bored. It's actually scary how many blogs and articles and website listings there are devoted to people who have nothing better to do than to complain to their internet search bar of how terribly mind-numbing their life is. I read a hyperlinked article that was quite witty (or at least I thought it was witty), and for the heck of it looked at some of the Yahoo Answers responses. There was this website girlzlikeme.com, which I thought might be interesting or extremely pink and sparkley. It was the latter, and I also felt slightly creepy because it's for 6-16 year olds and I'm 17 and age has been a weird, conscious thing lately.

So now I'm blogging about it. It's been a nice ten minutes or so but now I think I'll keep haunting the websites. I figure I have to occupy my time for another two hours, and then I can eat breakfast. I kind of wish your sister was still nocturnal. It'd be nice to have someone to talk to, and we hadn't talked in a while. That's probably one of the worst things about pulling all nighters, or summer in general. Loneliness. That, and sometimes when you get really hungry or really cold. That hasn't happened this morning yet. It's very pleasant to blog comfortably without shivering or having your stomach gnaw at you.

Hi.

This is week 2, day 5. Or, week 1, day 4, depending on how you're counting. I took your advice and started a blog for this, because I really have nothing better to do. Though I suspect this blog won't live up to your expectations of being funny and awesome like your sister's (which is, by the way, beyong funny and awesome) and will end up being somewhat depressing. This is blog number 4. Or blog number 5. Again, it depends on how you're counting.

I am pretty sure most people have a hobby or a job or people to talk to while the summer passes. Most people don't have their hobbies ridiculed as insane, or lose their ability to talk to people properly, apparently.

What I don't understand is why before it was so very easy to write whatever came to mind. It wasn't always comprehensible, but at least I could write it out. My thoughts didn't wheel inside my head and I didn't stop, unable to go on and stare at the little I had written while my real thoughts buzzed around like annoying little flies.

Blah. I just don't feel like doing anything. But I must. I think if I had my way I'd be found lying in bed staring at my ceiling with unfocused eyes for the rest of eternity.